You were pressured to abort me, but you decided to love me

Thank you, mom for not aborting me like most mothers would have done

It was in the early 90s when my mom was told by her doctor that she should abort the baby she was carrying. She was nearly 40 - for him already reason enough to end pregnancy - and he had found out that her child had the down-syndrome.

But let's start with the facts: A relevant study from 2012 "used a mathematical model to estimate that 67% of babies diagnosed with Down syndrome in the US are aborted." ( But how comes, that there is a famous and still quoted study from 2002 saying that 90% are aborted? This would mean that 9 of 10 women decide not to have a child with Down syndrome when diagnosed. It´s a high number - that is actually not true. The study was made 14 years ago in only two areas in Germany that had a high unemployment quote and only 2.8% of all pregnancies in Germany that year. (


This old, not-relevant study is still used in Europe and the US to proclaim that it's socially normal to abort a mongoloid - or the other way round: that you are not normal if you keep your Down syndrome diagnosed baby.

The truth is that there are actually small areas in Europe and the US nowadays where 90 % are aborted, but in most areas it's much less, so the actual average rage lays only between 50 and 70%.

So in fact, deciding to keep your baby even though it will most likely have trisomy 21 isn't that abnormal as you are usually told. There are other people who also decide for life and not against it. And there are supporting centers and groups nowadays that assist you to be good moms and dads for mongoloids and to meet their needs.

Let's come back to my mom who was pressured to abort her fourth child and second daughter. Even though she had informed herself about what it meant to have a Down syndrome child, she wanted to give me a chance to live and be loved. She and my dad had already mentally prepared for having a child with trisomy 21, when my mom changed her doctor for being supported during her pregnancy instead of being pressured to end it - by a man who didn't appreciate life even though it was his job to do so. She was told to do more tests and she did - what she later regretted since it was meaning high stress levels for me, the unborn baby. And there it was, a new diagnosis: that I didn't have the Down syndrome.

Whenever I see a child or an adult with trisomy 21 I am happy. I am thankful for my mum wanting to have me no matter what - and I am thankful for all the parents who also wanted their children no matter what. From childhood on, my mother told me about what makes persons with trisomy 21 so special - physically and mentally. They usually have a different form of the head and eyes which is visible with your eyes, yes, but first of all they have a positive, loving way to see the world and be happy which is visible with your heart.

I´ve seen a lot of parents and grand-parents with their (handicapped) children at my workplace during the holidays. A few days ago, there was a father with his maybe 10 years old son. They had been in a movie together and the boy needed some time to get ready, pull his jacket on and close the zipper. You could see that they don't have money, but that they love each other. The man and the boy with the Down syndrome. I was a stranger for the boy, but I was friendly, patient and smiled at him. We made each other laugh openly. Then the boy turned around and hugged me. I was surprised, but it was touching my heart. We said good-bye and I realized that this boy saw and felt so much more than most people do. Even though I was a stranger, he could see my heart. It was open for him. And so was his for me.

I know that there are persons with trisomy 21 that are not happy - mostly because their families feel over-challenged and maybe even put them in a special facility (there are suitable ones though, especially for adults). And I totally understand that it can be hard and challenging - being parents, even for normal children. But there are so many normal people who are not happy and have a hard life - so should you have aborted them as well? If you love your child enough, you can't be wrong no matter what - even if it's hard for you and not socially normal. I am sure that most mothers don´t regret to not have aborted their child - handicapped or not -, but that most mothers regret if they have.

Kommentare: 1 (Diskussion geschlossen)
  • #1

    Ilka (Dienstag, 18 Oktober 2016 15:30)

    I'm glad I have you in my life. <3
    You're my true love